Imillita – Necklace (ESPANOL)

Unlike our prior necklaces, “IMILLA” is not an Incan Goddess name. Instead, it’s a word in quechua (the native Inca language) that simply means “girl” or “(female) child”. Now, Imill-ita (which is what I’ve called today’s necklace) is a spanish variation on this word, that makes the original word sound sweeter, kinder, lovelier.

 

So far, each necklace of the Bolivian Goddess Collection has been introduced with the help of some of the incredible bolivian women that inspire me, and whose stories are beautiful not just because they’re relatable, but because the choices these women made at some of their life’s turning points speak of the best in each of us.  Today I reveal our last necklace. And as hard as I tried to somehow arrange a photo-shoot and interview with a 4th bolivian woman for today’s reveal, it just didn’t work out with me being here in Philadelphia.  So, the 4th bolivian woman ended up being your host. Me. And as such, Imillita seemed to be the perfect name for today’s necklace, because it’s not only one of the many playful nicknames that my dad still has for me, but it feels right.

 

But again, today is not only the reveal of our last necklace for this collection. It’s also the reveal of a piece of my story. Most precisely, it’s the story of the most personal and life-changing event that happened in my life not too long ago, that is not only responsible for transforming it, but giving birth to VeruDesigns as a business.

 

Now, before we get into the meat of things, for those of you curious about the original “bolivian aguayo” that inspired the design and colors of this piece, let me share it with you right here:

If you’re one of our very first subscribers (since late 2012), then you might be familiar not just with this story, but the 4 simple but transformational lessons that have not only changed my perspective on everything forever, but my every day choices, including the decision of leaving behind a successful engineering career to give VeruDesigns a chance as a business.

Nothing I’ll share here is “new” so to speak. All the “Greats” have been talking about it for thousands of years. This is my personal story on how I finally came to “get it” and live by these truths.

. . .

It was early 2010.

I got this unusual one-liner e-mail from one of the great loves of my life. Chris, my younger brother. Chris who grew up with me more as my soulmate than a younger brother. Chris who played Barbies and dolls with me, who was my life confidant. Chris who is thousands of miles away. “Veru, I have something to tell you. It’s important. It’s tough. Call me”.  My heart began pounding like crazy and I knew instantly that something was wrong, very wrong…

An hour later, after a 45-minute phone conversations, I found myself curled on the floor of my office crying inconsolably, not knowing what to do, but cry like I had not known I was capable of crying, with no relief whatsoever. Eight hours later I was sitting on an airplane on my way to Chris. My sweet Chris. On my way to Bolivia.

 

In the course of a random morning, my loving and precious little brother went from having an annoying “winter cold” to being diagnosed with terminal lung and brain cancer. Everything changed that morning, forever.

I won’t go into the devastating details of what he went through for the next several months, what we went through, what it was like to be with someone you love so much 24-hours a day, day and night, witnessing the agony, the pain taking over every single cell of his body, every second of each day, and seeing my handsome young bother transform physically to a point where he wasn’t recognizable anymore, and being completely unable to do anything, ANYTHING to help when he needed it most. Nor my parent’s screams at the doctor’s office in the hospital when we were told “He will die, there is nothing we can do”. And yet, seeing him fighting for his life with all he had, only to see him loose that battle one morning, in my arms completely exhausted, completely defeated, in front of my very own eyes.

It’s been a bit over 3 years since Chris’s death. The memory of those events will never cease to be painful and bring tears to my eyes even as I write this just now.  But, pain is not what I was left with predominantly after Chris’s transition. What I want to share with you is the GIFT, the priceless gift that came to my family, to my parents, to my sisters, to my marriage, to myself  from what most would deem a terrible event, and the amazing impact it has had in everything I am, have and do. Including the very existence of VeruDesigns.com.

 

What Gift? The Gift of regaining my mental and emotional freedom from circumstances that are out of my control, my re-connection with the unconditional love that I’m capable of giving and receiving. How? By understanding that I have the POWER of focus and choice, and therefore the power of making my life (any aspect of it) the exhilarating journey that it is meant to be.

Let me break this down into the 4 specifics points of view I’ve come to embrace:

 

1. Every event/situation in life, has “two potentials”

“Every event has an “equal” potential of becoming a blessing or a curse, to have a positive or negative impact in our life; and the potential that will be actualized is determined by what we FOCUS on.”

 

We’ve come to believe that the “events” themselves determine what the impact will be in our life. If the event is deemed “good” (getting a promotion, or a clean bill of health) then good things will happen. If the event is deemed “bad” (illness, loss, etc), then bad things will happen. And yet, we have countless stories of people who defy this rule every day by coming out of so called terrible situations better than ever.  The event itself doesn’t make life better or worse, the event only determines “how big” the gift or the curse will be, but nothing else.

How is it that your focus drives what will happen? Well, your focus decides what you “think” about in regards to the situation. These thoughts determine how you “feel” about it, and your feelings drive the ACTIONS that you will take as a result, and in doing so, it determines which potential becomes real. Again, NOT the event “itself” as we’ve come to believe.

 

Whether the event you are going through right now is struggling financially, or having difficulty in your relationships, or feeling stuck/unhappy with your job, or whatever it might be, the question is – which potential of your situation are YOU focusing on? Are you thinking, feeling and acting from a perspective of anger, fear and defeat? or from a point of power, acceptance and opportunity?

 

To clarify this point. Let’s move quickly to the second principle.

 

2. We focus (and live) either by ” default” or by choice:

“Whether you know it or not, once an uncontrollable event happens in life, we have the power of CHOOSING what we focus on about the event: The positive/beneficial or negative/hurtful potential for our lives. The question is, are you exercising this choice?”

 

Most of us focus “by default” on the situation’s potential that we are “trained” to perceive, the potential that comes natural, automatically to us. And how not to? Illness, financial troubles, or a breakup are situations that naturally don’t feel good. But what happens when we continue focusing and nurturing the default negative side of it?

a)    Our Thoughts: Science has now proven that a BELIEF starts with one thought (good or bad) that invites more like-minded thoughts to connect with it. Our brain cells are designed to reinforce beliefs by re-connecting and strengthening data that further supports the “root” thought you are thinking. In a matter of a few minutes, you go from having a bad thought, to KNOWING that it will be bad for you.

b)    Our Emotions: With every new thought that your brain cells are now easily inviting and growing in your mind, your emotions respond in perfect synchronicity. You can go from shocked or worried, to absolutely terrified and even helpless in a matter of minutes.  The longer these thoughts and emotions reside inside of you, the more they grow and build a solid structure of what is now a BELIEF that the event is bad and can only bring more badness to you.

c)    Our Actions: Once the belief is pretty established, your brain cells begin filtering all the data it receives, and allows only those bits of data that match the root thought to come into your consciousness. In other words, the ACTIONS that you will take can only be ones that are a response to thoughts and feelings of fear, disappointment, helplessness, etc. You will have no access to solution-oriented ideas for actions, because no matter how many great ideas, opportunities, coincidences come your way, your body is not able to perceive those. This is when (through your actions); you ACTUALIZE the negative potential of the event in your life, and your nightmares become real.

 

The worst side effect of actualizing the ‘negative’ potential of an event, is that it strengthens the belief that our life is subject to external events that we have no control over, or that we are subject to the “lucky” factor. Ultimately, it reinforces fear of  uncontrolled “change”.  And yet change is the only constant in life. Ben Franklin said wisely “When you’re finished changing, you’re finished.”  Change precedes growth and expansion, and is the key ingredient to the survival of our species.

3.  Of all events, only those we deem “bad or negative” bring the priceless gift of real FREEDOM:  It’s easy to actualize the positive potential of an event that we already BELIEVE to be good for us. The thoughts, feelings and actions that arise automatically don’t require making a choice, especially a choice that may contradict other people’s perceptions and beliefs. As much as we enjoy the effects of “good events”, this ‘ease’ has atrophied our muscle of CHOICE in life. I mean “choice” in the real sense of the word. Choosing who we want to become, what we really want to do, what we believe to be possible. The “ease” that comes with focusing “by default” is at the root of our limiting beliefs.

 

When we focus by ‘default’, what we’re really doing is assimilating the focus that “other people” (our friends, our society, the media). The more we assimilate their “focus”, we make them our Compass in life, a compass we cannot control. This is when we “separate” ourselves from our own inner-power, our power of CHOICE.

 

This is why strangely, events deemed as “tragic” or “bad” are the only ones that can re-connect us with our inner-self. They require choosing to think something different from what others think about the same “bad situation”. Because to overcome a tragic event (and I say this from experience), we have NO option but CHOOSE to focus on the possibilities, the opportunities, the lessons, the growth, the inner strength, the new questions and answers and the best actions to overcome it. Making a CHOICE implies choosing your own thoughts, which is where your inner power lies, and THAT my friends is when we become free people for the first time.  And isn’t this the greatest gift in life?

 

Illness and death are arguably some of the most difficult events any human being can face. Having experienced both, I pondered these situations every day for a few years, with a particular  high intensity during the last 3 months of Chris’s physical life and the first year after his passing.  What am I going to focus on when I think of Chris for the rest of my life? The pain was indisputably strong, raw and very much there. And yet I had a choice: I could’ve pondered for a long time the idea of never seeing him again in my lifetime, and let this thought invite another one even more hurtful with no end to this cycle.

I knew however that Chris would’ve HATED to see me use him as my excuse to die slowly every day. He wanted me to be happy. I made a decision of NEVER letting any pain stay in my heart for too long. This wasn’t easy at the beginning, and part of this was also accepting grief with all its up and downs. But as I recognized my readiness to transcend grief, I began focusing my mind deliberately on the “good times”, his beautiful smile, our infinite LOVE, his awesome sense of humor, his brilliance, wisdom and intellect, his love of soccer, his infatuation with books, movies, travel and adventure..his kindness and incredible empathy. I consciously focused on the priceless memories we built together, and then I focused on who-he-is-right-now…a constant presence of love, joy and encouragement. Then I focused on what would make him and ME happy in our lives. What was I not living, not doing yet that I desired? Were the 9 to 10 hours I spent every day at my office as an engineer a reflection of who I want to become?  This is when I knew that VeruDesigns not only deserved a chance, but would be my way of uncovering what I’m meant to to do on this earth.

Today, more than 3 years since Chris left his physical body, my automatic thoughts of him come easily in a positive way. I can say today with 100% honesty, that I smile most every time I think of him . . . which is still many times, every single day.

 

4. Our life, careers and bodies are a perfect mirror of the choices of our focus:

How can we know how much we’ve exercised our power of choice in our focus? Just look at your own life, your career, your financials, your relationships, and your health. You’ll confirm right away that those aspects of your life that are going well, count with your natural/exercised expectation, pre-disposition towards thinking, feeling and acting in a positive way. At the same time those aspects in life where you feel vulnerable, notice how much anxiety, fear, nervousness arises just thinking of them. If your career, health, relationships fall within this category, ask yourself: What has been my predominant expectation, my focus anytime an event is about to unfold? Then ask yourself: As unlikely as I may believe this to be, what opportunities could come from this? What adjustments, what changes could I benefit from? …. All it takes is stop, think and decide.

 

Is my life perfect? NOT FOR A SECOND! because perfection was never the point.  But I realize now that contrast and  challenges are meant to be the stepping stones to my expansion as a human being, and as a result my life feels much more free and light. Nothing feels as bad and absolute anymore. it’s becoming more and more a reflection of the spirit within me. I accept that I will never get it “done” and I’m living more my actual life, rather than my thinking about my life.

That’s it!! I hope the FINAL necklace has filled your expectations while having a fun read.  What do you think?  I’d loooooove to read your comments below (if you’re too shy to share publicly, feel free to e-mail me directly).

 

This is my last “life and jewelry” post for a while. We’re going back to keeping it “light and pretty” for the next few weeks.

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